Disappointing God

Yesterday, my son had a moment of heartbreaking grief. He turned to me weeping and wailing. Why such a reaction from him? I told him he had "disappointed me" because he disobeyed his teacher.

It was unexpected, to be honest. I truly didn't think that such a comment would have an affect on him. I figured it would be in one ear and out the other. But it didn't. It stuck. It left a mark.

I thought back to my own feelings of disappointment. When I felt forgotten by God. When I felt alone in my grief and pain, knowing that He was still there, but disappointed that I didn't see Him through actions on my behalf-that He didn't fix everything for me, that my path was still full of brambles and shadows. 

Did He feel hurt by my disappointment? 

What about all the times I disappointed Him? Did I grieve, cry and wail when I knew I had fallen short of what HE told  me to do? Or did it come through one ear and out the other. Did I beg for forgiveness. or just brush it off. Was my heart broken by the knowledge that I had hurt my best Friend?

When I saw my baby crying, I gathered him into my arms and held him close, rubbing his hair back from his face and wiping the tears from his cheeks. I told him "Baby I forgive you. It's ok. I love you. Mommy was disappointed by your disobedience, but you apologized and I forgive you". He calmed down and cuddled for a minute before running off to his favorite computer game.

Thank you God for your mercy and grace when we disappoint you with our disobedience. And thank you for not walking away when we feel disappointed by You.

Why I Stink At Being a Mom.

I really don't like to cook. Bake, yes, but "cook" a meal...not so much.

My kids watch TV. Yo Gabba Gabba is simply divine-and teaches wonderful skills like "don't, don't, don't bite your friends".

My kids socks don't usually match. I mean seriously, no one can see them, and they don't mind. There are so many of the darn things, that I consider it a success if they are the same color.

I tell my children "NO". AND I let them have tantrums in public. I am not going to give in to my childs demands so that people around me are more comfortable.

I don't vaccinate my kids anymore. THAT one right there would be grounds for DCF taking them away, in some  places. Yeah, no thanks, not putting those chemicals in my kids.

I don't do play dates.

I am not on the PTA, the PTO, or any advisory committee at my sons school.


Even with all this bad parenting, I am (relatively) optimistic that they won't hate me when they grow up.